


disgusting... do it again

by youcandrawanorangesomanytimes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Affection, Comfort, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcandrawanorangesomanytimes/pseuds/youcandrawanorangesomanytimes
Summary: Cas is working on expressing affection. Dean doesn't expect it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	disgusting... do it again

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in four years, please let me know if it's decent so I'll know whether I should do more

Dean felt like the world was slowly caving in on him.

It was all just too much sometimes - the endless hunts, the constant life-or-death situations - there was so much pressure, so much stress, and he felt like one of these days he might just break. Everyone had their limits, and he felt like he might be approaching his.

Every day he woke up with a weight on his heart and in his mind. Today was no different.

He didn't leave bed for almost an hour after he woke up, struggling to find the willpower to do so much as sit up. He managed, though, like he did every day, like he had to. The floor was freezing under his feet.

The day felt empty and pointless, but he put on his relaxed face and left his room, fully intending to keep his bleakness hidden away. It was getting more difficult to keep it up with every passing day, and he didn't always manage, but he kept trying. He couldn't stand people being worried about him.

Dean passed Sam on his way to the kitchen, sighing internally with relief when he didn't try to engage in conversation, preoccupied with yawning. Predictably enough, his footsteps plodded down the hall towards the library behind Dean.

Cas was in the kitchen, hunched over a mug of coffee.

"Good morning Dean," he said.

"Hey Cas," he replied. "Any coffee left?" He headed to the coffee machine and saw the answer for himself before Cas shook his head.

"No, sorry." He pushed away from the table. "I'll make more." Dean was mildly surprised.

"I can make it, I'm already over here."

Cas didn't move for a moment, seeming conflicted.

"Okay." He sat quietly with his coffee, stealing glances at Dean by the coffeemaker every few moments.

"What's up with you?" Dean asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just-" he hesitated. "Are you... okay?"

Dean said nothing for a moment, staring at the floor, then he muttered "You know I don't like that question, Cas."

"I know, but-"

"Cas," Dean cut him off. "Please."

Cas shook his head haltingly and stood up. "No, Dean, listen, I've - I've been watching you struggle for weeks now. I haven't said anything because I know you'd rather suffer alone than ask for help, but I can't anymore. It's killing me, Dean, seeing you like this and doing nothing." He took a breath and stepped closer to Dean, who didn't move. "Please, just..." he trailed off into silence. Then carefully, tentatively, he reached up and wrapped his arms around Dean.

Dean's brain shut down for several seconds. He didn't know how to react to this. He gently pushed Cas away, immediately feeling guilty when he saw the embarrassment and hurt on Cas' face.

"Cas... what was that?"

"Affection," Cas replied, not meeting Dean's eyes.

"Disgusting," Dean joked with a forced chuckle.

Cas nodded silently and turned away. Dean felt his throat tighten. He hated people being worried about him. He hated asking for help. But he couldn't deny the genuine warmth that he'd felt when Cas hugged him. The weight on his heart had felt marginally lighter, if only for a moment. When was the last time he'd let someone comfort him?

So he grabbed Cas' sleeve and choked out a "wait." Cas turned around and Dean took a breath. "Do it again?"

A small smile spread across Cas' face, and then he was hugging Dean again, and this time Dean hugged him back. He buried his face in Cas' shoulder and felt a prickling behind his eyes. He wasn't used to this, he didn't remember how nice it felt to hold and be held by someone.

The world was just as heavy, but he wasn't carrying it alone anymore.


End file.
